Up In Smoke

I once met someone who, when he did things, did them with utmost conviction. If he did something, he’d go all the way. He decided to buff up and go all Schwarzy on us one time and he went to the gym daily for 8 months. Daily. Every-frickin’-day. During that period he refused all fat, sugar and excess carbohydrates. That meant plain, unflavored oatmeal once a day for 240 days. Story: he recently went vegan and, true to form, plunged into the lifestyle heart and soul. In his commitment to stay true to the movement, he purchased some vegan shoes online. When he got them, he promptly schooled us lesser, planet-destroying mortals; proudly claiming that his shoes were made from hemp and recycled tyres. It had become rather tiring by the end of the second hour, but amusement finally came when one of his stoner friends tried to smoke his shoes. There behind him sat Cheech sans Chong, hemp shoe in one hand and cigarette lighter in the other. Funny that.