Fuzzy Cola

...he'd be nothing like me. He'd be good-looking, fair-skinned, filthy rich, popular, and impeccably stylish. He'd be named Giancarlo. He'd also be able to say the things I can't.

"What, now you think that you're the Jesus of cool?"

"Nope. Social status is not contagious. You still ain't one of us."

"Everyone knows you're gay. Well, except you."

"Kurt Cobain was not a poet."

"Your favorite band sucks."

"Listen, you are not sexual harassment material."

"Reading all those books won't wash away that stench of idiocy that hangs about you."

"If you weren't rich, you'd be bloody ugly."

"That raise shut you up, didn't it?"

"If you were THAT good, you wouldn't be here telling me about it."

"Considering that someone's pay should be proportional to their work, you're Bill Fucking Gates."

"You sure have a lot of complaints for someone who's drunk 6 nights a week."

"Yeah I think those clothes would look a lot better on you if you were, say, Caucasian."

"Call me when you start shitting fragrant blossoms. Maybe then I'll finally realize how inferior I am to you."

"Good idea wearing that loud shirt. It takes my eyes away from your face."

"UP, Ateneo, and La Salle are not the eighth, ninth, and tenth wonders of the world."

"Did you know that overpriced coffee can make you sterile? Not that that's a bad thing."

"Any schmuck can wear a tie and look like a banker."

"That's a big-ass SUV. What bully screwed you up in grade school?"

"Why thank you. I enjoy holding doors open for people. It's a hobby."